When did you pop out of the place?!

It's finally here, what you've been waiting for all this time. Spooky Scary Skeletons are in fact, shivering down your spine. This month may be a test of your patience with reality, but I assure you that it'll be worth it. Rumour has it, you're gonna be the snowflake queen. 

This months recommendation: 

 Play the lottery this month, use the numbers 41 6 65 4 8 47, split the money 8 ways to honour the great pumpkin gods. 

You might be thinking "oh dear, oh dear, oh dear" but worry not, gentle Taurus. You've got a few tricks up your sleeve! In fact, I hid a rattlesnake and a bottle of vodka in there. Don't worry, the rattlesnake is well trained and as long as they can have some of your vodka, won't bite!

This months recommendation: 

Carry collapsible cups with you everywhere you have sleeves, so...like always 

I know that the changing of the seasons feels like a gut punch, but believe me when I say you'll get your revenge soon. It's a good idea to collect as many crunchy leaves and conkers as you can, you've got work to do. 

This month's recommendation: 

Find some strong string, some superglue and a sturdy drill bit and meet me around the back of Aldi at 8pm

I cannot stress this enough; look behind your couch for change. I snuck in to your house and hid £15 quid in the cushions and I could do with it back. Thanks. You will be handsomely rewarded by the powers that be. 

This month's recommendation: 

Don't fight the urge to bite the people you love, a nibble a day reminds your pals that they're prey.

Time to run up that hill and make a deal with God. I mean, don't trust anything they say, but like, get what you need and skedaddle. Find a loophole and get out of it... I don't know man, I'm not a lawyer. 

This month's recommendation: 

Don't forget your water bottle on your run up the hill, hydration is important and required to fight a God. 

Okay bud, let's have a nice clean fight. 

The headless horseman is on his way to provide back up but like, he can only do so much, being headless and all. Try not to get caught in the cross-swing of his mighty sword.

This month's recommendation: 

Prep for a fight where you've got a mythical pal backing you up. If you write to Mothman, he may also be willing to lend a wing.

Oh my! Is it someone's birthday?! Statistically speaking, yeah, it's yours! Wow, happy birthday. You may ask 1 (one) favour of me. Say my name 3 times in a mirror, jump up and down twice and then clap once. 

Did you do it? Bet you feel silly. 

This month's recommendation: 

Look behind you

In this, the lords year of 2025 we're still seeing issues with mercury in the Gatorade, and really - that's not on. I know it's not your 

fault, just thought you'd agree that the stars should be behaving themselves. Did you think I meant actual mercury in actual Gatorade?

Nah, there are still SOME food standards that prevent that. 

This month's recommendation: 

Don't drink the Gatorade? Just kidding, remember the combination to your old work's warehouse and use it to extort some goods, services or money from your old boss. 

Your instincts tell you to go to the haunted house, to take some talcum powder, sage and the left foot of a distinguished gentleman. When the ghosts come a'haunting you can throw the talc to see them and the foot to nail em' in the face. The sage is just a nice smell to carry with you. 

This month's recommendation: 

Don't skimp on your required occult purchases, good eye of newt is always worth it.

At some point this month, you will meet a very charming man. Do not approach the charming man. There's nothing wrong with him per se, he's just got some off vibes. Maybe it's the extra long canines, maybe it's how well dressed he is... Do not.. Oh, you've already done it. Fuck sake, here we go again. 

This month's Recommendations: 

Don't make this interaction into a 4 part book series, please

Woah, I can't believe she didn't like the gift you got her?! 

And she said what? Oh wow, that's uncalled for. Have you tried to negotiate the traditional way? Bringing her another dead mouse and then meowing loudly until she finds it? Wow, so ungrateful. 

This month's recommendations: 

Don't waste your talents on people who don't appreciate it

I know you can hear me knocking at your door. I am not the boogie man, please let me in, I promise I won't do that thing I did last time. I'm not even holding anything ominous like a balloon this time! Okay, yeah, I might be made of a weird gelatinous substance and sure you might be able to see bones in my goo, but you're not next! I just want to talk to you about your cars extended warranty. 

This month's recommendation: 

Do not answer the door, that's not me.